part 2 : the complex feeling when it all started
when i was in high school i was still thinking that fashion wouldn't be my option for studying after i graduate from it later.cause my older sister had already put her mind to choose this option for her career and i didn't want to or actually i'd never want to be a follower,and i really hate to be judged as if i didn't have my own dreams.and i was glad i didn't have any interest in this field anyway.
i saw that my mom also againts her will to study fashion too,since the costs was quite expensive and she said to my sister that she couldn't afford to pay for her school cause there were still 3 children in this family to support,my brother,me and my little sister.well,we were a quite big family, with 5children in total. but her(my sis) will was bigger than anyone else even our parents,so she came up with the idea of finding one job to help my parent supported her school fees.she worked in one supermarket from morning until late afternoon then as soon as she finished,she ran to the fashion school until abit late at night.all of her salary was only for the school,no fun no shopping.after sometimes,she managed to finish the study and find a job.luckily it was fast and she was happy.
there was a slight ambition growing inside me that i had to achieve better than her,although not in the same field.and i was kinda dreaming maybe i would became a doctor but the doctor who like drawing,or a physics professor with drawing skills,etc.but all of that dream had fallen apart at the same time i failed in the test for state university.i lose hope and the will to look for private institute where i can continue my study, i prefered to stay and did nothing just to cure my hurted feeling cause of my own failure.
my mom hated to see me like this,so she decided to find a proper school for atleast filling up this year so i could re-take the test for famous art division in one state university nextyear.she told me to take this as the preparation by not wasting a year only for playing useless thing.she said that i had the ability,i just need to sharpened my skills.honestly i had an extremely lack of confidence,i really underestimate myself.since i was a quiet and introvert person,for me,each new place,new people,new situation would have been a great nightmare.but anyway,i found what my mom's words make sense in my mind,so in the end i accepted her offers,and i just told her that i'll do as she said.
i was registered in two different schools,one was diploma major in English, and the other ws fashion design. and every week i have to study these 2 at the same times,fashion in the afternoon and english in the night.my mom warned me not to neglect any of them,she didn't want to accept any failures. i knew she really meant with what she said,so i tried hard to do so,although inside me,i was still confuse whether i made a right decision since this wasn't my dream at all in the beginning.( August 28th,1997)
